10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Thursday, March 06, 2008

Queen Malika and King Pasenadi

Extremely interesting example of interaction between a monk and a churchwoman represent relations between Buddha and Queen Malika, she was wife of King Pasenadi (ruler of Kosala kingdom). Malika came to believe in Buddha before marriage, after the first time she met Buddha. And she was really zealous and passionate churchwoman and left devoted to Buddha for the rest of her life. She regularly dispensed alms to Buddhist monks as well as built a big Hall for sangha, where religious discussions took place.

King Pasenadi also turned into Buddhism doctrine. It happened in the following way. Once upon a day King Pasenadi had sixteen disturbing dreams. His family Brahman-priest explained this fact by the influence of evil spirits and said that it was need in a big sin offering. But Buddha, invited by Malika interpreted it in a favorable for the King sense. After that Pasenadi became Buddhist layman.

Buddha never left his faithful adherent, but always supported his devoted follower. When dear spouses quarreled, Buddha always reconciled the King with his wife, and permanently stood up for Malika. Buddha told King Pasenadi about their love in the previous lives and how they suffered living separately. In one of the stories Buddha told that Malika did not leave her beloved one even when he developed leprosy.

Also Buddha delivered posthumous sermon after Malika death. And every day King Pasenadi went to Buddha in order to know about post mortal life of his wife.

Obviously, in this case Buddha acted as exemplary “family priest”, penetrating into family by the wife (women as is known are distinguished by heightened religiosity), was dedicated to all the twists and turns of married life and performed spiritual guidance. Within tradition this behavior was not treated as a lucky chance, reflecting real relations with a concrete family, but it rather represents a vivid example of interaction between a monk and a churchwoman. This is an example that in general must follow all Buddhist monks.

Thus, in the early Buddhism attitude towards a woman was not ideal, but it offered to a woman great opportunities for spiritual growth, rather than other doctrine at that times. A woman could totally leave her secular life, become a nun and devote herself completely to the way of liberation during this life. Those ones who were not ready to take such radical decisions Buddhism proposed vast space for religious activity and moral perfection, with the hope to find peace, gain more perfection in the next birth and achieve liberation. No doubt that Buddhism spread fast and widely in India due to that woman was allowed as well as supported taking part in Buddhism.

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