10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Doctor calls spirituality key to dying patient's quality of life

Medicine shrinks from caring for the spiritual needs of dying patients, even though spirituality is what most people yearn for most at the end of life, Franciscan Brother Daniel Sulmasy, a physician and philosopher, told an audience at the University of San Francisco April 28.

Doctors tend to ignore spiritual care or back away from it out of fear of inadequacy or invading patients' privacy, Brother Sulmasy said. Often they think they are helping, but underserve patients by turning spiritual questions into technical problems, he said.

For dying patients, the impulse is the reverse, he said: The terminal patient whose spiritual life is outstanding despite great physical distress reports having an outstanding quality of life.

The split is so large that a new model for medical education may be needed, he said. The model would integrate biological, social and spiritual issues in training doctors.

Doctors should be mindful that patients' spiritual questions are fundamental -- deeper than the biological, moral and ethical issues that concern clinicians and hospital ethics advisory boards, said Brother Sulmasy, who holds the Sisters of Charity chair in ethics at St. Vincent's Hospital in New York.

"Spirituality is incredibly important in the care of patients and it's shocking how we do wind up ignoring so much of it," he said.

Brother Sulmasy opened his talk with the case of a 54-year-old man, Mr. "W." Dying of cancer, the patient was Christian and believed in the possibility of miracles, but also accepted that God might not grant one in his case. In reviewing the transcripts of interviews with the patient's caregivers, Brother Sulmasy found that despite the patient's outspoken spirituality his spiritual care fell short.

Mr. W's belief in miracles caused some confusion for the medical team. As a result he was transferred to a nursing home rather than to hospice care, where he would have received better treatment for his pain.

"It was stunning the way this man was treated," Brother Sulmasy said. "There's nothing that says the patient who believes in miracles is ineligible for hospice, but somehow the hospice care team felt that belief was an issue."

A chaplain, though, had correctly diagnosed the underlying problem. As Brother Sulmasy paraphrased the chaplain: "When I look at a patient I look at the primary, core spiritual need. Is it a request for meaning to try to determine what their life meant? Or are they looking for validation of their life? Or trying to reconcile broken relationships?"

Meaning, value and relationship are the ingredients of spiritual health and become urgent in the last months of life as patients strive for dignity and hope despite losing their productivity and appearance, Brother Sulmasy said.

"People who were able to find meaning in their illness, meaning in their dying, are people who understand what it is to hope in a deep way," he said.

He stressed how important it is for dying patients to reconcile relationships with family, friends and God. "The brokenness of their bodies reminds patients in a deep way about the brokenness of their relationships," he said. "They're looking perhaps to express their own forgiveness of someone who had hurt them or to try to be reconciled to those they had hurt, to try to bring families and friends together in ways that arise as they're dying in a very salient way."

Brother Sulmasy displayed a detail from a Giotto painting of the dying St. Francis of Assisi. The detail shows a monk kissing the saint's stigmatic wounds. It is part of a scene in which St. Francis is dying at home surrounded by his friends and watched over by God. The scene embodies the three ingredients of spiritual health for the dying person -- meaning, value and relationship.

"You see a picture of somebody who is surrounded by people who love him, who are supremely present to him, who care about him ... as a whole person," he said. "They are praying with him, engaged with him as a whole person in this experience.

"I think this is death with dignity," Brother Sulmasy said. "If it was possible in the 14th century, why isn't it possible for us in the 21st?"

By Rick DelVecchio

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