10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

Popular content

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Truth and Spirituality

Last night’s community group discussion revolved around two related issues - truth and spirituality. We first viewed this video regarding Oprah Winfrey’s web seminar class (what some have called a “church”). Our discussion led us to understand that among the many flaws of Eckhart Tolle (Oprah’s guest and teacher of the seminar) and Oprah were the foundational issues of truth and spirituality.

From that discussion we moved on to a discussion of a contrasting model of biblical spirituality portrayed in Total Church, by Steve Timmis and Tim Chester. It is contrasting because it is rooted in the gospel word and mission, and because it is concerned with the context of Christian community rather than an individual experience. As I said I would last night, I am here providing an overview of the entire chapter to help provide some context. Here are the pertinent excerpts from the book and more questions to discuss…

Under the heading of “Spirituality and the gospel word,” the authors argue that “biblical spirituality is a spirituality of the word” (138). The contrast that’s drawn is to a spirituality that is based on word-less meditation, silence, solitude, etc. In this context they point out that (139-140)

In the mystical and contemplative traditions the goal of spirituality is union with Christ. Union with Christ is attained through a pattern of spiritual disciplines or a series of spiritual stages. The imagery of a ladder is often used. Gospel spirituality is the exact opposite. Union with Christ is not the goal of spirituality; it is the foundation of spirituality. It is not attained through disciplines or stages; it is given through childlike faith.
I should confess that I was once heavily drawn to the kind of spirituality represented by contemplation, silence, and solitude. I still am. But why is this? I believe it is because it represents a spirituality of achievement. It is spirituality for the elite. Biblical spirituality in contrast is a spirituality of grace. Its dominant image is that of a child petitioning its father.

The next heading is “Spirituality and the gospel mission” (140-144). In this section Chester and Timmis contend that biblical spirituality requires passionate engagment and passionate prayer. One quote that gives a flavor of the basic point regarding passionate engagement is this (141):

You do not find Jesus in perpetual retreat, but in the world. Biblical spirituality turns out to be a spirituality of mission.

And in speaking of passionate prayer (143):

People are often encouraged to spend time in silence and stillness before God. When most Christians I talk to try this, they end up thinking about what they watched on television the night before or compiling lists of things they need to do. As a result, they are made to feel “unspiritual”.

In contrast to this (143),

If we are engaged with the world around us, then we will care about that world. We will be passionate about people’s needs, our holiness and God’s glory. We will not be still in prayer. We will cry out for mercy with a holy violence. If we are silent, it will be because in our distress, words have failed us. This is the spirituality of the Psalms - a spirituality in which all our emotions are engaged.

The final section of the chapter is “Spirituality and the gospel community” (144-147). The basic premise of this section is that authentic spirituality must be lived out in community, it is not an individual (the authors draw a distinction between “personal” and “individual”) matter, but a community matter. They articulate a description of the Christian life that is personal (God relates to me personally), but also communal (I am a person of God because there is a people of God). They provide a good description of two stories that can be told about the Bible, which I will not reprint here in fairness to the fair use doctrine of copyright law (this is on pages 144-145). One story is that of individual salvation, the other is that of God redeeming a people and creating a new humanity. Both stories are true, but the first story is incomplete without the second. The authors then draw out three implications - we prioritize prayer with others (over prayer alone); we must not separate our relationship with God from our relationship with others; and we need to exhort and encourage each other daily (145-146). The idea that was most provocative to our group last night was the first implication, so here is the full paragraph for you to consider:

First, it means we should prioritize prayer with others over prayer alone. It is when two agree that Christ promises to answer prayer and when two or more are gathered that Christ promises to be with us (Matthew 18:19-20). Not only does this reflect the communal nature of our relationship with God, but experience suggests that for most people it is easier. On my own my thoughts are soon distracted. Praying with other people somehow seems to sustain my concentration. I meet each weekday morning at 8:30 am, to pray briefly with another Christian. Other people I know read the Bible and pray in the car as they commute together to work. We also encourage people to pray together in the midst of ordinary life. When you are talking about a problem, turn that conversation into prayer. When you are celebrating a success, turn that conversation into praise. I still pray alone for two reasons. First, I need to pray more often than just the times when I am with other Christians. Second, I still fear other people’s opinion too much freely to disclose my heart before them in prayer. It should not be like this, but it is. And so there are times when I need to be more honest with God than I can manage to be in the presence of other people. But I do not rate time alone in prayer over time together in prayer.

So, here we have two competing views of spirituality - Oprah and Eckhart Tolle vs. Tim Chester and Steve Timmis. Questions for discussion (remember that Scripture should guide our answers):

1. Do Chester and Timmis accurately portray biblical spirituality? If it is a mixed bag, what do they get right and what do they not?

2. What do you think about prioritizing prayer with others over prayer alone?

3. Is there anything you need to change about your conception of spirituality after considering these things?

By Derrick

No comments: