10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Wednesday, February 20, 2008

7 steps towards forgiveness. Part two

Until you suffer from your offender –it is impossible to step on the way of forgiveness. But how to solve this unpleasant situation? The first step you can do is – to make a conscious decision on stopping your sufferings, to stop feeling pain, to end with offend or injustice. Often in these cases you need to split your relations or drift apart from each other for sometime. Because near offender (whether is Mum that was indifferent to the life of her child, or a Man that broke his word) a person feels weak. Suffering just paralyzes all body.

In some very peculiar cases, when your physical or psychic health is under danger or you are in peril of your life - then you can sue in the Court. The offender must bear responsibility for said words or done actions. Court has the right to specify guilt and fix a punishment. But only aggrieved person can forgive offender if the first will want it.

2. Admit that they treated you badly.

Your past does not disappear. Useless to forget your offend. Due to the mechanisms of psychological defence suffering, hate and bitterness are displaced into the unconscious, where they keep on ruining you with even more destructive power. We need to admit the fault of the person who did us harm. We do need this to live further. This gives us a possibility “to give the fault back to the offender and consequently to re-establish relations with yourself”. Also it will help to avoid psychosomatic diseases or behaviour models that lead to the constant fails in relations as well as work.

Forgiving, we first of all are taking care of our health.

3. Forgiveness brings relief to our soul. Plus, due to the scientist’s opinion – it is a healing for our body.

Forgiving an offender, we get spiritual and emotional power as well as physical one. A study was made by Charlotte van Oyen Witvliet, American professor in psychology. More than 70 men and women were plunged into 4 states- an active emotional experience of offend, thoughts about vengeance, sympathy to the offender and forgiveness. During this experiment being tested took the temperature, blood pressure, perspiration and muscular tonus.

Psychologists discovered steady physiological differences between states of forgiveness and not forgiveness. Only if offender was mentioned- all being tested had blood system failure. These changes became very important when they thought about vengeance. “If you are ready to make an effort to forgive- by all means you will see what benefit it will bring to your psychic and physical health”, - according to Charlotte van Oyen Witvliet words.


wildfxp said...

Excellent post! My read of the day :)


cmk1218 said...

This read pointed me in the direction I needed to go in to begin to forgive. Invaluable lesson.