10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Any woman has right to reach Nirvana

Children death was usually the main reason why a woman left her family duties and devoted herself being to cenobitical life. Kisagatami`s son died and this shook her so much that she decided to join commune of nuns. Woman status depended straight on male descendants. According to the traditional commentary to “Therigatha”, there was a big nun group that entered sangha because of their children death. Patachara was the head of this group; she lost her husband and two children. A rich courtesan Ambapaly explains her conversion to Buddhism by old age and withering away her beautiful body. Among authors of “Therigatha” were other courtesans- Vymala, Addhakasy. The status of courtesans was rather unstable, in spite of the visible wealth. A true story of Sona, she was mother of 10 children, in some way reminds us the story of King Lear. Her husband took the monastic vow being already in elderly age and left her all his riches. Sona decided to share this heritage among children on condition that they would support her and then she could devote herself to religious life. But sooner mother became a burden to her children and they began to treat her with disrespect. (Thankful people as well completely Enlightened ones come to this world very seldom.) Finally, Sona joined the Buddhist sangha, in spite of the fact that it was not harmonious; she achieved the state of nirvana.

This story attracts us by one exciting moment. There were not any cases like this in the history of Indian society. This is a specific woman status when her husband took the vow. The woman turned into a widow while her husband was alive- and this was the worst thing that might happen to a woman in the Indian society. Perhaps, that is why there were many mentions in canon when both: husband and wife led monkish existence. This can be treated as examples of
mutual consent and faithfulness. Or, probably it was the only way out for a woman at that time?
In certain cases, when a woman was really rich and respected by society, then her taking the veil was the logical result of her life. Another example- is a life story of Chanda nun; her verses are also stored in “Therigatha”. This woman lost her husband and all her relatives, for 7 years she was living by begging. She suffered from cold, heat and starvation. Once she saw a nun, the last was given alms, food and drink. Chanda asked to become her disciple. After Chanda sorted her want and need, she did her best to understand Buddhism teaching. Note, that Buddha did not have any objection of entering sangha people like these. He hoped that it would help these people to develop their spirituality and reach a certain state of nirvana. So that Chanda achieved lucid moment and became one of the respectable nuns.

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