10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Spirituality in Children

Often discussed in the context of religion, the subject of children's spirituality is nevertheless a separate, and arguably more general, topic. In fact, according to experts, children's spirituality not only transcends the idea of particular religious denomination or tradition, but also goes beyond religion itself, as is evidenced by the spiritual concerns of children, and people in general, who are defined as "not religious." According to the noted child psychiatrist and author Robert Martin Coles , there is nothing exceptional or unusual about children's spirituality: unless suppressed through abuse, a child's spirituality naturally develops by an innate feeling of wonderment and fascination. In his numerous conversations with children about their spiritual concerns, Coles has noted that regardless of their cultural and religious background, children feel a profound desire to understand the universe and their place in it, and that desire, articulated through words, gestures, songs, and drawings, remains constant. Furthermore, children, often combining spiritual musings with ethical concerns--e.g., wondering why there is injustice in the world--often express a wish to influence the entire universe in an effort to improve the world.

Commenting on his conversations with two eight-year-old girls with different backgrounds (Hopi and Irish American), Coles noted that the girls, despite the differences in their religious backgrounds, had similar spiritual concerns and aspirations. According to Coles, both girls find in themselves a human strength, striving "every once in a while to break the confines of self, of society, of time and space, even of faith" (Coles, 1990). While Coles's young interlocutors used different sets of symbols to express their spirituality, the Catholic girl dreaming about Christ's return, and her Hopi counterpart contemplating a joyful reunion of all humankind, their reactions to reality reflected a deep desire to live in harmony with the universe.

As researchers have observed, the phenomenon of children's spirituality eludes the traditional conceptual and methodological apparatus of psychology or theology. Spiritual concerns, i.e., questions pertaining to life, death, birth, rebirth, and the universe in all its immensity do not, it seems, directly depend on cognitive and verbal development. Indeed, it is possible to trace the development of children's religious consciousness, as David Elkind has done, noting how, for example, as children mature, their prayers shift from being self-centered to altruistic. But spirituality, undefinable as a process, defies the theoretical strictures of child development. In other words, there is something timeless about children's spirituality. Thus children often wonder about God without any intellectual, or historical, understanding of the concept "God." Children have the ability to tackle difficult philosophical and theological questions almost unknowingly, focusing on the idea itself, while sidestepping the logical sequences prescribed by rational discourse. Gareth B. Matthews has criticized Jean Piaget for dismissing a nine-year-old girl's insistence that God must exist because he has a name. According to Piaget, the child shows her inability to dissociate names from objects. Matthews demonstrates that the little girl's reasoning is logically correct and in accordance with a long philosophical and theological tradition of thinking about God.

Whatever the parents' attitude toward their child's spiritual aspirations, spirituality is an unavoidable issue in every family: the question of his or her origin, which every child asks, essentially pertains to spirituality.

According to Erik Erikson, trust "born of care is, in fact, the touchstone of the actuality of a given religion." Erikson uses the term "religion," but his insight about care and trust can easily apply to spirituality in general. While there is no formula for a healthy spiritual life, caring parents will, by inspiring a fundamental sense of trust and by respecting the spiritual aspects of birth, enable their children to freely develop a sense of spirituality and manifest it through a passionate and fulfilling involvement in life. Declaring that spirituality affirms children's humanity and enhances their ability to understand life's mysteries, Robert Coles advises parents to encourage a child's natural sense of wonderment and curiosity about spiritual issues. By their nature, children ask probing questions, and this desire to know, Coles affirms, "is also part of the moral development of children--a way for them to find a set of beliefs and ideals to guide their daily lives, a way for them to gain command of their behavior."

Gale Encyclopedia of Childhood & Adolescence. Gale Research, 1998

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