10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Monday, February 25, 2008

Women in the early Buddhism- part 2

To tell you the truth, women had more regulations than men. This was reflected in number of Pratimokshi rules for nuns (331 rules for women against 227 -for men). Majority of supplementary rules were regarding some slight violations like woman ornamentation and her clothes, the rules of a woman consecration into sangha, a selection of the women guru, the rules of the woman behavior in public places etc. But the real restrictions were imposed on sexual behaviour of nuns. For example, if a man touched a woman – then this violation can be atoned, for a woman touching a man was treated as a heavy breach and was followed by an unconditional exclusion. It is wrong to think that Buddha considered a woman more inclined to sexual enjoyment than a man. Analysts paid attention on fact that Buddha described man’s sexual attraction to a woman as well as a woman to a man in one and the same terminology. To tell you the truth these strict rules pursued some internal objects. First of all, in the patriarchal Indian society Buddhist nuns that left their family duties and chose the road of liberation were reproached as for men it was allowed to go for their own way. That is why nuns should take care of themselves and behave properly because there are might be some ill-wishers around them. Secondly, a nun might become pregnant and this can provoke some substantial moral issues in the commune as well as the organizational ones. Evidently, proceeding from this point of view women must go through a trial period before becoming a nun. But there are some mentions in the canon that a woman became a nun being already pregnant.

What made a woman joining the Buddhist sangha? Ideally, the main and the only reason was searching for liberation, for nirvana. But practically, it was far from that. An interesting and striking illustration of this entering is left in “Therigatha” (“Verses of elder nuns”). This poetry draws our attention by its ingenuous feelings.

Rather a bright demonstration is verses written by a nun Mutta (free translation):

I am free!

I became so independent!

I am free from three things:

From mortar and pestle as well as bent old husband!

Torn up by the roots the craving,

That will lead to becoming,

I am free from old age and death.

Mortar, pestle and shameless husband are mentioned in other verses in “Therigatha”. Note that these feelings contradict the rules of honouring a man as God.

P.S. Do you know that seventeen women in October, 2003 got the highest ecclesiastical rank as Buddhist nuns at the Shakyamuni Buddhist Centre in Canberra, Australia?

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