10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice


I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.



There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:



1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.



2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.



3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.



4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”



Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:




  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.



  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!



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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.
What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.
  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.
  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.
  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.
  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.
  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.
  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.
  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.
  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”
  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

19 comments:

Heidi Hess Saxton said...

I really liked this list; it gives some handy tools for those moments you just want to string someone up!

Anger is a very common (but little talked about) reaction to the stresses of motherhood. I blog about it on my adoption blog "Mommy Monsters" and in my book "Raising Up Mommy." Stop by and see me sometime!

Alice Hobbs said...

Dear, Heidi Hess Saxton

You are absolutely right, anger is a feeling that we come across every day. As for the motherhood anger or child one – is a really huge topic to discuss. Even Plato said that the most uncontrolled wild animals are our little children. Let them express their feelings whether it is love or hate, anger or calmness, as they do not impulsive and not on purpose. Very often they copy adult’s behavior – so this is the high time to analyze your own behave. How do you control your anger. Only if you forbid your children anything to do, do it consecutively and consistently.

Terrah Dawn said...

It is true that a child will react to things the way they see adults around them act.

As far as anger in adults, I get angry and let it out. I don't like things building up inside me - the end result of holding it in can be terrible. Some explode in violence. I feel it's better to let it out than to let it build up.

Strange, I know adults that will get mad at someone because the other adult is mad. Instead of understanding why the other is angry and trying to calm them - they get mad... that makes things worse not better - but they don't realize it.

I see nothing wrong with someone becoming angry over something - but it's when they throw things, hit others etc... that's a big problem.

We all get angry and we all need to let it out [screaming is enough]. But then to get out of the anger the steps you've posted here DO help.

Right now I'm angry over some things.... I've released it. Now trying to figure out how to fix the problems LOL.

Great post thanks!

Alice Hobbs said...

Dear, Terrah Dawn

You are absolutely right that is better to express your anger rather than restrain it. Sure, we have a huge range of feelings and we are free to express them. The issue of the day –is how to control this anger. As you understand that someone thinks that screaming is enough to express his anger, another one thinks that throwing things is a normal way to express his anger. We all are very different. And the main question is– the limits, the extension of this anger expression as everybody has his own measure. People’s brains, emotional sphere and consequently their psychic setup are very mysterious phenomena; it contains a lot of secrets, so you never know the reaction.
As for the anger causes anger, violence cause violence, love cause love- is absolutely true. So, let us do the good and share love in oder to receive the similar feedback.

Best regards, Alice

Anonymous said...

arthanks for showing these ways to deal with ur anger, i never know what to do what i get "heated mad". Now i can try the slow breathing and trying to relax and slow down on my thinking. thanks for the tips!

Anonymous said...

thanks for the help. i get angry all the time, mainly because of an event that happened in my childhood. i get angry and then go very qiuet, i feel like i have nothing to look forward to and that my life isnt worth living. 4/5 when im angry i end up self-harming, because i always feel like im going to take it out on my close friends, who have helped me get through the last few years. thanks again for this adivce, i should be able to release my anger in a less destructive way now[:

Anonymous said...

oh freak.....i wish i can control my anger....

Anonymous said...

thank you i finally can stop hurting others with anger im for ever in your dept

Anonymous said...

i get angry over my kids all the time and regret it always, promise myself to control myself but they iritate me so much that i lose control and then again its the same thing happening . it saddens me i feel lonely ,i feel the kids are distancing them from me which i really dont want .I am confused how to handle things

David said...

Anger occurs in us all everyday. Being in a nice surrounding can make this easier, we recently installed some paintings, canvas prints etc and my whole outlook is now more positive.

Anonymous said...

thnkx... now i can control my anger n stop hurting my boyfriend

strawberrybubble said...

I've tried to write down my feelings before and it just made me cry, i've tried running to calm myself down but just ended up stressing myself out and passing out, and whenever i try to discuss my feelings with my family they shut me down and tell me they don't want to hear it. so while your list may work for some it doesn't work for me

satinder kaur said...

its a very nice things written .i think that these things will hep me to control my anger

arshad abrar jr said...

i tried various techniques, but i lose my temper very fast,.. i dont know wat to do..help me with any suggestion

Anonymous said...

Thanks sir, my friends and my parents used to tell me that i get angry very soon. Now i control my anger and they are glad to see the change in me.

Thanks.

ajitesh baloria said...

i m very short tempered i loose controll so bad that i even forget whom i m hittin .same incident happend in my home that i got indulged in argument with father n i lost control my control over my self , i went after him as in i wanted to kill himm my mom n sis ame in between to stop me but even then i startde bangin things around ........

it happens to me all the time
till date i m suferin from this people dont like to talk to me i feel so lonely dont know wat to do..?

need advice ..................



Ajitesh Baloria

D said...

I face this problem everyday and end up scolding/screaming/hitting my 4 year old son. I feel terrible after that. I talk to him a lot, telling/trying to make him understand that it was not him that I was angry on.Poor fellow, he doesnt understand a thing.I had a very bad childhood, hit by my dad, was told by everyone that I am an angry child, etc...I dont want to be angry.When I am peaceful,I make promises to myself that I wouldnt become angry, or rehearse few situations with my son, wherein, even if he misbehaves, I would talk to him, rather that screaming/hitting him.It works only 1/10 th times.I need help.I have tried a few of your suggestions.Nothing works.

D said...

I face this problem everyday and end up scolding/screaming/hitting my 4 year old son. I feel terrible after that. I talk to him a lot, telling/trying to make him understand that it was not him that I was angry on.Poor fellow, he doesnt understand a thing.I had a very bad childhood, hit by my dad, was told by everyone that I am an angry child, etc...I dont want to be angry.When I am peaceful,I make promises to myself that I wouldnt become angry, or rehearse few situations with my son, wherein, even if he misbehaves, I would talk to him, rather that screaming/hitting him.It works only 1/10 th times.I need help.I have tried a few of your suggestions.Nothing works.

saurav suman said...

i hate being angry,,, but i get angry on silly things...... and i show all my anger to my girl fnd ... i have been trying to control my anger since last 2 years but still could nt control it...... can some one tell me an easy way to control my anger ... i have tried almost every ways to control it ... but all these methods dont last long......... my mom died 2 years back and i think i m the reason behind her death ..... whenever i remember about my mom i get angry on myself ... and thats d worst situation m into..... today is my birthday but m sstill angry ... and i dont even know the reason behind it.... email me at thenameissuman#gmail.con