10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Monday, March 03, 2008

Buddhist Angel of Darkness and Opened Public Preaches

Women` s life in sangha was not a sheer joy. Alongside with everyday deprivations of life, need to live in the commune; getting along with the other women a nun had her own interior doubting regarding chosen way. Doubting like this is stored in a chapter in “Bhikkhuni- samute”. “Bhikkhuni- samute” also includes 10 sutras which are grouped by question – answer model. A nun meets Mara - Buddhist angel of darkness and the last asks her various provocative questions. You should not treat this story too literary. In the Buddhist tradition Mara rather personifies inner weakness and uncertainty than a kind of anthropomorphous mythological creature. One of the frequent doubting was the point of view revealing that was better to enjoy this life here and now, when you were young, then later not to feel regret about lost opportunities. Desire to have children – was another temptation. There was a point of view that a woman could not achieve the state of Enlightenment at all or hesitation in Buddha doctrine and consequently a wish to follow another doctrine. One of the issues was that it was not safe for a woman to meditate in the lonely places, where she could be raped. In this case doubting is resolved because a woman is supposed to acquire the supernatural abilities and could resist any violator. However is notable that this question was appealed to a nun that was already raped after her consecration, so that this doubting was not baseless. Alongside with the everyday matters nuns had doctrinal questions like who created this world and all living creatures. Buddha as is known denied existence of any God- Creator, that is why to answer this and many other questions was need in good and deep knowledge of Buddhist doctrine. This is one of the most widespread questions. Nevertheless all nuns gave the right answers and disgraced Mara, sad and disappointed, disappeared from the place of temptation. Actually, the answers themselves did not play any role. The triumph over Mara came when this woman got to know, recognized him, Mara – so that he realized her doubting and hesitation. Thus “sati” experience became apparent and developed, it is called- attentiveness and awareness - and this is one of the main steps in Buddhist practice.

I must say, that women entered Buddhist society not as nuns but also as active secular followers and energetically supported Buddha teaching. In general, Buddhist commune consisted of 4 sections: monks, nuns, Buddhist layman and Buddhist laywoman. Functioning of monastic commune completely depended on material support of laymen and laywomen that is why Buddhist laywomen played an important role. Buddhist monks paid off this support by opened public preaching, addressing to all levels of the Indian population as well as towards women. If a layman invited a monk to visit his house, then after it a monk usually delivered a lecture from Bible, explaining this or that point of Buddha doctrine. By the way, these issues might reveal not just moral points but also very complicated things. We can find a bright example of this sort of meeting in “Melinda’s questions”. A woman invited two monks the share the table and after that monks delivered the preaching regarding Abhidharma (the most comprehensive section of Buddha teaching).

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