10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Friday, March 07, 2008

Sometimes all we need is a swift kick to know what to do

As I sat in the doctor's office this week - with my clothes in a pile - awaiting my annual physical, I could think of only one thing.

What could she possibly do for the horrendous pain in my butt?

Only the day before, I had fallen in a gallant attempt to safeguard my grandchild, who was teetering close to the stairs.

Oh don't worry, he's fine, but let's just say I'm not spending as much time in the writer's chair as I'd like to this week.

"Bruised tailbone" was the doctor's prognosis, for which she prescribed a shot of anti-inflammatory.

How, I wondered, was a painful shot in the rear supposed to make my backside feel better?

Nevertheless, the risk I took and the pain I endured to do the right thing was more than worth it.

The whole incident has served as kind of reminder of the metaphorical kick in the butt I'd already received this month. It, too, was a painful blow that inspired me in the right direction.

This past month our chaplain department faced the news that we would have to lay off a chaplain. No worries, I thought, I was not the last person hired. My job was safe.

The last person hired is an excellent chaplain. We can't afford to lose her, nor can she afford to lose us. She's a new mother, and her husband is a full-time student.

The thought of losing this chaplain saddened me, and I began to balance it with the dream of writing full time. In this economy, the thought of going out on my own gave me an additional pain in the rear.

No, it's just not a good idea.

But it was a good idea. It seemed to me that the threat of layoffs was the kind of cosmic butt-kicking I needed, to do what I know is in me to do.

So, after discussion with "Mrs. Chaplain," whose teaching income would largely support this happy journey, I surprised my boss and colleagues by volunteering to be laid off.

March 13 is my last day in this hospital, and my new journey of writing will unfold.

Cosmic butt-kickings don't come as often as we probably need. Most of the time, God is the kind and loving God we encounter in the famous poem, "Footprints in the Sand."

The poem describes the promise of God to "never leave you."

There is also a less-known parody of the poem, which I respectfully offer in closing today's column, called "Buttprints in the Sand."

One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of my precious Lord,
But mine were not along the shore.
But then some strange prints appeared,
And I asked the Lord, "What have we here?"
Those prints are large and round and neat,
"But Lord, they are too big for feet."
"My child," He said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you along.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."
"You disobeyed, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt."
"Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take a stand,
Or leave their buttprints in the sand."
- Author unknown
Powered By: Norris Burkes is a civilian hospital chaplain and an Air Force Guard chaplain.

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