10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Monday, March 03, 2008

Spirituality is a Long Marathon

spiritual marathonMany people want spiritual life to be very easy. They want to be with a guru for few years and then start their own dabba of spiritual life. I know a person who grows long hair, walk with out slippers, wear khaddi clothes, will drink milk and think he is spiritual. There is nothing wrong in doing it. But in the office he is like a politician who screw’s up people’s life. The moment his work is finished there is no sense of gratitude in him. He will sleep with available women. He wants to start an ashram and be the next modern guru.

Most of the modern guru do not stress on practice or conduct. The reason is these two will put many people in lot of difficulties. Suppose some one were to sit for 3 hours every day for meditation, will he /she have time for any thing else in life. Definitely no. It will become boring after a point. Most people use meditation as a stress buster, which helps them to relax. It is also an escape from the dark realities of life.

When rishis and munis took years and years of tapasaya to attain god how come with just so called understanding and with just listening to discourse one can reach god? For example Olympic champions take minimum 8 – 10 years of practice to win a medal. How come attaining god is much easier than drinking coffee.

Spirituality is a marathon and few only survive the whimps of time. Many people shifted their job or place and with that spiritual life got over. Many people changed the so called practice it was over. The change of conduct and reflection will make us aware how we can screw up our own happiness.

Any way if you can meditate for 3 hours for next 108 days in one way or the other then you can say that you are in spiritual line. Other wise just do not waste time in calling your self spiritual. People compare themselves their guru with yogananda or yukeswar giri etc. These people had very less disciples. Hardly 10 –12. Even in their best time it was less than 100.

Real spiritual life is like doing PhD. very few people can go up to the level and very few people will get a good guide and in that very few get a noble prize.

Many of the so called siddhas have meditated in the caves for more 12 years 30 years etc. there fore to think realization with out practice only few spiritual genius can attain. For ordinary people it is path of hard work and persistence.

By Chennai Based K.B.Golpalakrishnan

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