10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Friday, May 02, 2008

Thank heaven for friends

Last week, I had a really bad day.

It was horrible. Trust me, you don’t want to know the details.

Toward the end of the day, I decided to just stop and do something pleasant. And so, I made my Buddhist altar.

No, I haven’t suddenly become a Buddhist. I’m still Christian, Anglican to be exact. But there are many things about Buddhism that I admire, especially the Zen variety. The lack of aggression, the emphasis on living in the “now”, the importance it places on poetry and art, these all seem important to me.

It also emphasizes meditation. And that’s really what this was – a meditation altar. I ordered everything from a jewellry store in Collingwood. It was quite neat, two very ornamental china Buddhas, an incense holder, various kinds of incense, a gong, some small bells, some very unusual musical instruments, and two fake candlesticks, with Christmas trees lights in them. That was the only part that bothered me – why go fake?

I remembered in Europe, all the churches are open and you pay a small amount and light a candle for someone. But in a few churches, they have modernized the process. You pay some money and a stupid Christmas tree light comes on.

The effect is just not the same.
But I thought I should at least try them. This turned into a big hassle. First, I had to thread the light cord through the Chinese screen I had, than I had to find an extension cord, then the lights didn’t work anyway.

I could have taken them back, but suddenly I decided I really didn’t like them. They were tacky. No taste at all. I would use real candles, I decided, in very big, very ornamental candlesticks.

It was while I was dismantling this electrical nightmare that disaster struck. I knocked over a big plant and suddenly there was earth all over my livingroom carpet.

Oh no!

Sometimes I just can’t do something. I don’t know what it is, a failure of will or energy. But sometimes I just think I can’t do this! This was one of those occasions. I just could not bring myself to clean up the dirt scattered everywhere.

So I called up a really good friend and said “I’ll pay you $50 if you clean up all this bloody earth I’ve just spilled.”

So, bless her, she came over and helped me. Then the negotiations started. We were in the ridiculous situation where the service provider was trying to drive the price down and the person who’d received the service was trying to drive the price up.

In the end, I think she took $5, just so I could feel I’d paid her.

But what a nice thing to do! What a good friend! It’s a wonder she didn’t tell me to clean up my own dirt! But now, of course, I will do any favor under the sun for her.

Thank you, Phyllis.

You’re terrific!

Author: Thelma Morrison

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