When you realize the nothingness of it all, you will have arrivedpossibly at the new airport. Since being is not being, even if the airport is, it is not...

Now that the new airport has turned us all into a city of chronic worriers, a lot of people I know are seeking spiritual help in getting answers to the questions riddling their lives with tension. The famed flying Guru Bialaswamy has advocated a form Aavial (not to be confused with the dish avial) Spirituality to help tackle the widespread stress. Here are some Compulsively Asked Questions (CAQS) about the new airport, and the answers:

CAQ: How long will it take to reach the new airport from where I live?

GB: My child, time does not exist except in your mind. So when you say how long, you are talking relativity. It all depends upon which relative you are going to visit. If it’s your in laws, time will stretch into infinity. If it is friends, time will condense. It also depends upon whether you are travelling by auto, bus, car, or astrally. Astral is the fastest. And cheapest …..with great frequent flyer discounts and upgrades. But then if you can go astral why go to BIAL at all?

CAQ: Will my body survive the potholes on the way?

GB: The body is finite and will soon turn to dust. It’s the eternal soul you have to worry about. Ask the voice inside if your soul will survive the ride. A couple of spinal injuries may lay you up for six months, but what is six months compared to the infinity of the soul? All life is a journey and potholes are ordained by your karma and the Corporation.

CAQ: What do I do if I want to go to the toilet rather desperately on the way?

GB: Going to BIA is a journey of spiritual growth. You will have to exercise great restraint over every wayward instinct. Rise above the urges of the gross body. Otherwise, just refrain from eating or drinking anything twelve hours before you set out. Carry adult diapers with you.

CAQS: How will the pilots know it’s time to change track and land at BIA instead of HAL?

GB: How do the trees know when it’s time to flower? How do birds know when it’s time to lay an egg? How does your head know when it’s time to go bald? Knowing is not a function of the conscious mind. The pilots will know it in their unconscious, when they must land at the new runway. Remember, just as you are not the doer, the pilot is not the flyer. His higher self flies on autopilot while he takes a nap after the booze up the night before.

CAQ: Is it considered bigamy for a city like Bengaluru to have two airports?

These are man-made laws for the smooth functioning of society. In the eyes of the Divine you can have as many airports as you want without creating permanent confusion among the passengers. But then the chaos will lead to creativity and the Creator as surely as bean eating in Bengaluru leads to a lot of gas.

CAQ: Is there a new airport at all or is it all media hype?

GB: My son, all of the world is Maya. It’s an illusion created by our fevered minds.

There is no you, no me, no world, no cars, no road, no airlines and no airport. Your mind has created it all from nothing. When you realize the nothingness of it all, you will have arrived…possibly at the new airport. Since being is not being, even if the airport is, it is not.

By Sadiqa Peerbhoy

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