10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Monday, June 16, 2008

10 Simple Soul Exercises

Our spiritual life is like singing. Most of us can sing, but few of us do it in public. Even fewer can do it in public without embarrassment! Try these simple, soulful, spiritual workouts to help develop your religious voice so that you can--to use the words of the Psalms - "sing a new song to God."

Therefore I Am

French philosopher Rene Descartes wrote, "I think, therefore I am." But what if thinking isn't the reason for your existence?

What word or phrase might you substitute for "I think"?

Here are a few ideas:

  • I complain, therefore I am.
  • I have stuff, therefore I am.
  • I improve on things, therefore I am.
  • My parents procreated, therefore I am.
  • I create, therefore I am.
  • God loves me, therefore I am.

Every version gives a very different perspective on life. Meditate on what you would put in the blank and see what you discover.

Spend Time 'Not Doing'

Parkinson's Law (named after 20th-century British historian Cyril Northcote Parkinson) states, "Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion." That's just the way it is.

Paradoxically for adults, it takes work and planning in order to successfully rest. Can you spend five minutes today not doing? How about 10 minutes? Or a half hour?

Take a 'Universe Job Survey'

I saw the following quote: "Many people want to serve God, but only as advisors." If we aren't here to advise God, what is our job?

Here's a way to think about answering that question: Imagine for a moment that the universe was your employer. Based on the way you actually live your life--not on how you wish you did - how would you answer the following questions on The Universe's Job Survey:

  • What is your job title?
  • What department do you work in?
  • How high-ranking are you in your department?
  • Do you have a job description?
  • Does your job have fixed hours or benefits?

Create Your Own Holy Day

Rather than commemorate a truly significant religious or secular event, many of our culture's holidays are invented and exist primarily for commercial purposes. If you could invent a holiday what would it be?

  • Bob, my brother-in-law, advocates "Creativity Day."
  • Larry, my friend the retired minister and sociology professor, likes the idea of an "International Day of Contrition."
  • I would have everyone celebrate "Faith Day."

What "holy day" do you think should be observed?

Give Yourself Advice

If you could go back in time to when you were half your current age, what advice would you want to give yourself?

Might you tell yourself:

  • to have more faith?
  • to love more freely?
  • to be less anxious?

And, if you were to take that advice today, how might that change your current outlook?

Try New Words

For the rest of the day, see if you can substitute the verb "get" for "have." For example, if you were going to say, "I have to check my email," say instead, "I get to check my email." It's amazing how the little change of one word can affect our attitude.

Read an Email from God

Imagine you open your inbox and find an email with the subject line: An email from God. What do you imagine the message would contain?

  • Praise?
  • Condemnation?
  • An answer to a question that you've been asking?
  • Advice?
  • A forwarded joke?

What about your response? What would you write back? How would you sign it?

Surprise Yourself

Imagine that at half the age you currently are, you fell asleep. And imagine that you slept right through (like Washington Irving's story of Rip Van Winkle) until today. What five things about your own life and the world would be most surprising to you?

Would you be surprised by where you live? Would you be surprised by your wealth? Would you be surprised by your state of mind? Would you be surprised by technology? Would you be surprised by world politics?

Change It Up

If the only constant is change--as paradoxical as that might seem--it would behoove us all to learn how to deal gracefully with it.

For the rest of the day, change your cell phone ringtone or put your watch on the opposite wrist. (Really, do this.)

Now, each time your phone rings or you look at an empty patch of skin instead of finding out the time, notice how you react. Your reaction to this change is going to inform you about your natural, pre-wired response to change.

Change is just change. It isn't inherently good or bad. It's just different.

See if over the course of the day you can learn from yourself and accept both change as well as your reactions to it.

Have a Talk with God

If you were in a couples' counseling with God, what complaints, grievances, grudges, etc., would you have about your recent relationship with God? In other words, what is it that you have not said to God that you know deep in your heart you want to say about your relationship as of late?

It might be something that you haven't felt particularly safe saying or just something you haven't had the opportunity to say. Or it might just be something you've said before that bears repeating.

See if you can come up with at least seven sentences. (There is no one who can't do this--those claiming to have no relationship with God can use that as a wonderful starting point.)

By Rabbi Brian

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