10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Panchaseela and Buddhism

I refer to Mr. Upali S. Jayasekera's response in The Island of today (6/6) to my earlier contribution on this subject in The Island of 23/5.

Normally I do not reply to such responses because they are not worthy of comment. But when he says that "My Jayatissa Perera appears to have launched a campaign ridicule Buddhist practices" I must deny the allegation because I do not for a moment consider the consumption of liquor after reciting panchaseela, a Buddhist practice.

I mentioned how a prominent Buddhist Secretary to an equally prominent Cabinet Minister considered a Buddhist leader in this country consumed arrack soon after Venerable Madihe Pannaseeha had delivered a bana at his home.

This writer knows another Buddhist who leads a Buddhist Society as its President who consumes liquor after reciting Panchaseela. When I asked him if that was correct, he replied, "The Buddha has never told us not to drink!"

I am not against anybody consuming liquor but I am against such a person calling himself a Buddhist while reciting the Panchaseela in public. I also know such an alcoholic whose photograph is seen from time to time carrying the sacred relics of the Buddha! If such practices go unquestioned the Kalama Sutra of the blessed one is meaningless!

According to the little bit I know of Buddhism (though I do not carry a label of any sort) doubt and questioning is a method of spiritual enquiry. Doubt cleanses, purifies the mind. As beautifully explained in the Kalama Sutra, the very questioning, the very fact that the seed of doubt is in one, helps to clarify our investigations. That is why religions like Christianity which believe in an angry, jealous, punishing God prohibit doubt.

Spiritual evolution is not possible without questioning the rigid orthodoxy into which a Buddhist or Christian is born. We need to know the difference between the spiritual and the ritual. In this country we see a rapid decline in religion, an utter disregard for human life, political chicanery and the absolute cessation of any religious, enquiry. The tribalism that is glorified and labelled as nationalism, cemented by all our politicians in laymen's garb or saffron robes cannot be got over by making an exhibition of oneself reciting panchaseela, morning and evening.

The challenge is so great that one cannot respond to it with some conditioned reply as a Hindu or Buddhist or Christian etc. We must bring about a spiritual evolution in ourselves. This cannot be achieved through rituals of any sort, including panchaseela.

Even after 2,500 years of rituals, Panchaseela, 84,000 pahan poojas, pichchamal poojas, sabda poojas, pirith, lanterns, pandals, 'olu bakkas', we are living in utter confusion, not knowing whether we will live tomorrow.

Jayatissa Perera, Bambalapitiya.

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