10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Friday, July 11, 2008

Buddhist Relics Tour Heads to San Jose After Campbell Stop

Buddhists and non-Buddhists, believers and those who were a bit skeptical gathered at the Gyalwa Gyatso Buddhist Center in Campbell over the holiday weekend to get a glimpse and maybe a blessing from the sacred relics.

The tour heads to San Jose this weekend, starting with opening ceremonies Friday night.

The collection of more than 1,000 relics, found among the cremation ashes of Buddhist masters, has been touring the world since 2001. The relics made a stop in Campbell on July 5 and July 6, which was also the 73rd birthday of the Dalai Lama, the spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhism.

The relics resemble small, round pearl-like crystals typically white in color, although some have reported they change color. They are thought to carry a spiritual quality with them, bringing health and wisdom to those they grace.

"The belief is that the compassion of Buddhist masters consciously created them at the time of death, which is an example of what they're trying to achieve their entire lives," said John Boley, a volunteer at the center.

Boley said a steady stream of visitors viewed the relics. The center offered blessings, in which the relics were gently placed on the crown of the heads of visitors. Dogs and cats were welcome to receive blessings as well.

"Everyone seemed to have that sensation. They moved a lot slower and were a lot less agitated," Boley said. "It's hard to describe the sensation, but you just feel it."

The balanced flow of visitors added to the already calming environment of the center, said Pat Prickett of Santa Clara. Prickett credited the relics along with soothing music and chants to the peaceful atmosphere.

Prickett said the relics are believed to also have some kind of healing power.

"I know a couple people who were having sickness in their lives, and they seemed to be healthier when they left than when they arrived," she said.

Boley said the relic tour is part of the Maitreya Project. After making their way around the world, the relics will end up enshrined in a 500-foot bronze statue of the Maitreya Buddha in Kushinagar, India. The project aims to bring the concept of loving-kindness to the world, a value embodied in Maitreya.

At the forefront of the project are the relics.

Campbell resident Donna Babuska volunteers at the center as its spiritual program coordinator. She said the relics have special meaning to her because two of them were derived from Buddhist masters she's studied.

"For me, it was very overwhelming because I feel Buddhism changed my life since I started studying it. I'm a more calm, open-hearted person," Babuska said. "Without the Buddha, all the things that have helped me change would have never happened.

"I've done other religions, but nothing really approaches the mind and the heart like Buddhism. It gets into the inner place, and it's not contrived."

Venues across the country may request the relic tour visit their location. Last year the tour stopped in San Francisco.

The relics will be on display in San Jose at the Chinese American Mutual Association, 1669 Flanigan Drive this weekend. The opening ceremony is at 7 p.m. Friday, and hours of the tour are 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. Saturday and Sunday.

By Chris Vongsarath

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