10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Friday, July 04, 2008

Utah Buddhists begin four-day prayer for compassion

The red-robed members of Salt Lake City's only Tibetan Buddhist temple walked two by two this evening around its westside Salt Lake City block, one carrying a large Buddha statue, another protecting it with an umbrella and all the others waving incense, while ringing bells. It was a ritual signifying the sacredness of their sanctuary and it was the opening ceremony of the 2nd Annual Prayers for Compassion event that the temple sponsors.

After the processional, the 40 or so members of the temple and interested guests prostrated themselves before the temple's shrine and laid a white scarf, a gesture of generosity, across the altar.

Sitting cross-legged on cushions before small wooden desks, they began to pray in the low bass voices, chanting ancient Tibetan texts.

The incantations launched three days of continuous praying for peace and compassion at the temple, known as Urgyen Samten Ling. They are also part of the annual celebration of the birthday of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, the spiritual leader of all Tibetans worldwide. The prayers end Sunday at 2 p.m. with a blessing of food and communion.

Longtime Buddhist practitioner Jerry Gardner, who earned the title Lama Thupten Dorje Gyaltsen through years of study, led the prayers. He and his wife, Jean LaSarre Gardner, have been practicing Buddhism for 30 years. He also teaches martial arts and theater at the University of Utah.

"It is meant to increase loving kindness in the world for all living beings in all realms," Gardner said.

His wife, Jean Gardner added: "It is a time to pull the community together, to find peace in themselves and let it spread to their families and across the world."

Temple officials keep track of the number of prayers said by counting on their rosaries - 108 beads equaled 100 mantras.

The Gardners established the temple in 1994, meeting in various downtown Salt Lake City locations. In 2004, the group, made up mostly of Westerners who practice Tibetan Buddhism, bought the old 1910 LDS 5th Ward building at 740 S. 300 West. Previously, it had been a Gothic night club and was painted almost entirely black. The Buddhists transformed it with touches of Tibet, red, green, white, orange and blue prayers flags and wall hangings, a giant wooden shrine bedecked with rows of gold-encased Buddha statues and ablaze with candles. Salt Lake's Tibetan community donated to it the throne-like seat that was built for the Dalai Lama in 2001, when he spoke at the University of Utah.

The Tibetans and Westerners who practice the same brand of Buddhism get along well, said Amber Robb, a member of the temple.

"Within the past two years our connection has grown stronger, especially with the turbulence last winter," Robb said, referring to the global protests of China's treatment of Tibetans during the months before the 2008 Summer Olympic Games in Beijing. "We supported them in their time of loss and difficulty with silent meditation. We do not want to get too bogged down in politics."

Robb was among the robed participants indicating that she has taken vows, including a commitment to Buddhism and a promise to practice 10 virtuous acts. She and most other temple members have also a vowed to abstain from alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and inappropriate sexual conduct.

Only one among them, Kris Baker, who goes by Dorje, has taken full monastic vows, which requires celibacy. But Robb hopes to reach that goal someday, becoming the sangha's first nun.
Participants do not even have to be Buddhist, though, Gardner said.

"All we ask is that they follow the way of kindness, compassion, joy, equanimity, wisdom and knowledge," he said. "It could just center them in their own belief system."

By Peggy Fletcher Stack
The Salt Lake Tribune

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