10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Friday, January 23, 2009

Is Spirituality Supposed to Be Fun?

At first glance, this question might seem too big to swallow. You might already be trying to nail this one in relation to “smaller” sectors of your life: career, relationships, health, finances. But if you can answer this question for the Biggie-your spiritual life-chances are good it will cascade into the rest of your life.

We all know someone who has a job or career they absolutely love. For instance, one of my online muses recently landed her dream job: Food Artisan Relations Manager. When I visited the Foodzie Blog to read about Susie’s new position, it sounded like an incredible win-win for everyone involved.

Not to mention an unforeseen expansion by the company to create space for her new role. As the story unfolds and Susie gives her behind-the-scenes version of it, you can literally see her “putting one foot out of the comfort zone” time and time again.

Something else will be visible to all who follow the Foodzie Blog. It’s abundantly clear in her article quotes that Susie’s going to have fun at her job every single day! She is being paid to live her passion.

Now, I don’t know the background on Susie’s mental/emotional/spiritual process around landing her dream job, but-like many of us-she may at some stage have had to

(a) change her thinking

(b) change her state of being

(c) get back in touch with some of the “kid” qualities from her childhood.

As kids, we all play games to rehearse becoming adults. Kids have buckets of fun acting out roles or performing tasks that later in life can often feel more like a chore.

What games did you play? I remember playing teacher, store owner, priest, truck driver, sandbox town planner, mother, grocery shopper and cook.

We could probably come up with various reasons why kids can have fun doing stuff we may no longer cherish, but here’s a less common one to consider: until they become socialized (or have it disciplined out of them), kids are often closer to the spiritual realms-in a purely natural way-then we are as adults.

Just as it is with young children hopping on the computer and fearlessly learning technical stuff, so it is with issues such as communing with our spiritual guides. Kids simply don’t have a concept of how “hard” that’s supposed to be. They don’t say to themselves “I need X number of years of meditation before I can be that attuned.”

Kids are natural experts. And one of their areas of expertise is . . . you got it! Having fun.

Could there be a connection with spirituality? I believe it’s well worth investigating . . . and I can show you an easy way to find out in a mere 10 or 15 minutes.

At my workshop, The Fear of Writing Clinic, writers and closet writers show up feeling intimidated-and/or stalled, jaded or confused-about their writing. My secret “cure” is all about guiding these writers back to the fun.

One of the icebreaker writing exercises we start the morning with is called Define Fun. Participants are given 10-15 minutes to free-write and then we go around the circle, listening as each writer reads her definitions out loud to the group.

You don’t need to be a writer to benefit from this exercise. And it couldn’t be simpler.

First, take a sheet of paper and write the words “Define Fun” at the top. Better still, gather with a friend (or several friends) in a coffee house and do the exercise together.

Next, write down everything that’s fun for you. Don’t try to analyze your choices and don’t write anything you think you “should” write. Suspend all preconceived notions about what is or isn’t spiritual. Just write down what’s fun for you.

Take some risks!

Now it’s time to read your list out loud with friends. I won’t dilute your experience by trying to describe how liberating this can be. There’s something about doing this kind of exercise in a group that fosters not only mutual acceptance but self-acceptance.

If you’re doing this exercise by yourself, read it out loud to yourself. You may already notice a transformation.

If not, put your definitions away in a drawer for several days. Then, choose a moment when you’re feeling good about yourself and the world. Take your list out and read it again. Do you notice any shifts in perception?

* Some of the simplest things are the most fun.
* Thinking about, talking about or writing about the things that are fun for you is … fun!
* You have a surprisingly big list (or simply a juicy list) but you’re not always doing enough of the things that are fun for you.

Perhaps you’re doing some things that are NOT fun for you out of a sense of obligation. If you reprioritize your time to include more of the items from your fun list, you’ll have less time to fulfill obligations that are bogging you down. An elegant (possibly even struggle-free!) solution.

Having fun is part of being spiritual. Sometimes we just need a new perspective on it.

And sometimes we just need to give ourselves permission.

By Milli Thornton

1 comment:

Colleen said...

Wow, what a thought-provoking post! I love and live by these ideas. Right out of college, I went to grad school to be a teacher, mostly because I was SICK of my job. Grad school was an easy escape. Or so I thought. I ended up developing depression during my student teaching. I found I hated almost every day.

Eventually, I gave myself permission to do what I WANTED to do... and now I couldn't be happier. I teach yoga. I write. I work at a publishing house. And every day is TOTALLY fun.

Now, on to my original reason for posting this comment. I'd like to suggest a book that deals with spiritual issues in a fun, lighthearted way: Happy Soul Industry, by Steffan Postaer. I'd be happy to send a review copy your way if you might be interested in reviewing it on your site. Let me know what you think. (It looks like it's been a while since you posted-- this could be a fun way to kick off a new round of posts!)

By way of a quick introduction, Happy Soul Industry follows an angel sent to earth to hire an ad agency to design a campaign promoting goodness. You can learn more at HappySoulIndustry.com, or its blog, How-Are-You.net.

Thanks again for the great post & fun writing exercise!