10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Monday, February 16, 2009

Balm for a troubled world

An MIT-trained biologist has won a wide following counseling "mindful meditation" to heal body and soul.

It could have been a rock concert for the laid-back set. On stage at the Annenberg Center's Zellerbach Theater Feb. 6, Jon Kabat-Zinn played to a rapturous sellout crowd, there to absorb, even be transformed by, his prescription of hope for a troubled world.

Kabat-Zinn, 64, is the country's meditator-in-chief, the molecular biologist who introduced mindful meditation to traditional medicine back in 1979 and who, through the next three decades, ushered it into the medical mainstream. His five books, including Wherever You Go, There You Are, have been printed in 30 languages, and sold nearly 1.5 million copies in the United States.

The people in this audience, however, were academic types - teachers, principals and administrators who came to learn about the role of mindful meditation in education. It is only one of myriad disciplines to which Kabat-Zinn has begun to stretch his teachings. In a world that he says is spinning out of control, he considers meditation training essential for anyone seeking clarity and compassion in their lives and relationships.

Mindful meditation, simply, is attending to, being exquisitely aware of the present moment. Its practice, rooted in Buddhism, was meant to relieve suffering and cultivate compassion. It is compatible, proponents say, with any or no religion.

It begins with the willingness to set aside a half hour or so a day to practice formal meditation - sitting, standing or walking - at first just focusing on your breath. When thoughts of the past or the future intrude, as they inevitably will, subjects are told to return to their breath.

"The present moment, the only moment we have to feel or to think, is a hidden dimension for most of us," says Kabat-Zinn. "We are so absorbed with planning for the future or blaming people for what is over and done with that we lose the lives we are living. We die a thousand deaths wasting our energy on what was or what will be."

Kabat-Zinn, with his craggy, handsome face, high cheekbones and graying hair, has the audience mesmerized. He recites poetry by Emily Dickinson, quotes from Henry David Thoreau and injects shtick reminiscent of Jackie Mason: Do you know what I'm talking about? Anyone here have that experience? Those in the audience, laugh, grow silent or nod their heads collectively.

The key, he says, is that people who meditate handle emotions differently. They are not so judgmental and they learn how to let go of the past, to put aside how "somebody did them in. Stress comes from the way people react to things, and if you're not cultivating mindfulness, you're cultivating reactivity."

The real meditation practice is in how we live our lives. "It isn't sitting in a lotus position and pretending you're a statue in the British Museum," says Kabat-Zinn. "There are a thousand doors to mindfulness. You can cook mindfully, dance mindfully, walk on the beach mindfully, make love mindfully. It's all about being fully present in what you are doing. Formal meditation practice is merely the launching platform."

When Kabat-Zinn founded his clinic at the University of Massachusetts Medical School 30 years ago, his goal was to catch people falling between the cracks in the health system. After all, he reasoned, heart disease, diabetes, cancer and other chronic illnesses are often caused or exacerbated by lifestyle factors that can be altered. He believed he knew how to make that happen.

His first group included those with stress-related chronic illnesses for whom their doctors had exhausted their bags of tricks. He knew if he could restore their well-being, he'd be onto something big.

The results were extraordinary. People with headaches didn't have them anymore. Those with backaches learned to work around their pain. Those with high blood pressure saw the numbers drop. Mindfulness, which swings the body into balance, had led to symptom relief.

"Patients told me I had done more for them in eight weeks than their doctors had in eight years," says Kabat-Zinn.

Kabat-Zinn had been meditating for more than a decade, ever since he was a student at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in 1965. He remembers seeing a sign inviting students to a talk by Roshi Philip Kapleau, author of The Three Pillars of Zen. He knew nothing about Zen and was one of only four students who showed up. But he says, "it took the top off my head. It filled a niche in my assessment of what was missing in our culture, an authentic experience of being rather than doing. I realized you could learn how to be in a relationship with your thoughts and emotions. It satisfied something deep in me and I've been in love with it ever since."

Marrying medicine and meditation (despite their shared etymological origin in the Latin word mederi, which means "to heal") was not easy. Kabat-Zinn encountered what he calls "medical politics," yet experienced no insurmountable roadblocks. His molecular biology doctorate from MIT helped. "People figured that with that kind of pedigree, I must know something," he conjectures.

In today's world, where multitasking is a must, where technology, with its tantalizing smorgasbord of instant messaging, insistent e-mails, and vibrating cell phones, intrudes into each moment, Kabat-Zinn is not sure how people survive without something to ground them.

Without meditation, he says, he couldn't have gotten through eight years of watching his father, a brilliant biomedical scientist, lose his mind to Alzheimer's disease or tend to his mother, an accomplished artist, who had a stroke from the stress. "There is not a single aspect of my life where I'm not calling on meditation to keep me balanced," he says.

More than 18,000 patients have participated in stress reduction programs at his medical clinic, often with startling, clinically proven results.

Two studies of patients with psoriasis, a painful, often unsightly skin condition, revealed that those getting audiotaped meditation instructions while receiving ultraviolet treatments saw their skin clear up four times as fast as those who did not participate. In another study, in which influenza vaccine was given to volunteers, those who meditated had more antibodies than those in the control group.

But the focus of the two-day conference that followed Kabat-Zinn's address was applying meditation to learning. Kabat-Zinn believes that there are dimensions of our being that schools ignore. We are taught thinking and analysis, but we are never schooled in awareness. Learning, after all, has to do with perception, those eureka moments that can ignite passion.

If mindfulness were more a part of education, more young people would benefit, Kabat-Zinn believes. Parents are the first and most powerful teachers. They can be mindful by nurturing their children and themselves, by seeing things, as the young do, as if for the first time. President Obama is setting the tone by, amid his daunting responsibilities, choosing to eat breakfast with his children and take them to school.

A good teacher will take mindfulness to class. "Imagine the potential for teaching young children that they can inhabit the 'being' part of their lives, ask deep questions and maybe love learning," Kabat-Zinn says. "That's how kids become emotionally intelligent. They learn that life is the curriculum."

More than 200 medical centers in the world, 100 in this country, have integrated mindfulness in their curriculums. School districts from Oakland, Calif., to New York City's Harlem are inviting it into the classroom.

"We need to wake up a little more and liberate ourselves from our self-destructive habits - greed, hatred, racism and selfishness - what the Buddhists call ignorance, ignoring what is fundamental," Kabat-Zinn muses. "If we learn that when we are young, it can enhance joy and relationships throughout life. There is no reason to starve for well-being."

By Gloria Hochman

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