10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Could the Next Dalai Lama be Female?

After struggling for almost five decades, speculation is growing on who will lead and guide the Tibetans after the 14th Dalai Lama “TenzinGyatso”.

Speculation grew last November, when the exiled Tibetan leader hinted at a press conference, that a female Dalai Lama may succeed him. Many attendees were surprised, since history has never seen a female Dalai Lama.

His comments came after a historic Tibetan’s exile meeting ended, which discussed the future course of action in their nearly 50 years of freedom struggle.

In the context of Tibetan Buddhism, the possibility of a female incarnation of the Dalai Lama, or other reincarnating lama lineages, is known collectively as tulku. Tulku is used to refer to the corporeal existence of enlightened Buddhist masters.

“Although there are female lamas, or living Buddhas, men are predominant and it is rare for reincarnated lamas not to share the sex of their predecessors,” said His Holiness the Dalai Lama.

This comment follows his surprising remarks that he might choose his successor before his death, or even hold a referendum on whether he should be reborn at all.

“If people feel that the institution of the Dalai Lama is still necessary, then it will continue,” he said.

“All the Dalai Lamas, ‘til now, have been male,” says the Dalai Lama. “Now, we want a female Dalai Lama. Women have to play a more important role to play in today’s context.”

And then in his characteristic style, he adds, in a lighter vein, “The female Dalai Lama will be more attractive, so we will have more followers.” But then, is he a feminist?

“Yes, I am a feminist and a humanist too,” he says.

The Dalai Lama scotched all rumors of his possible retirement, saying, “There is no point or question of retirement. It is my moral responsibility ‘til my death to work for the Tibetan cause.”

“My body and flesh is all Tibetan. I remain committed to the Tibetan cause,” he says.

“There are various ways of doing it [having a successor],” says the Dalai Lama. “The point is whether to continue with the institution of the Dalai Lama or not. After my death, Tibetan religious leaders can debate whether to have a Dalai Lama or not. The successor can be a young girl. Girls show more compassion. Also, women are dominating things all over the world.”

Tibetan girls were delighted. They said it was unexpected but not unlike the Dalai Lama to say this.

“No one expected the Dalai Lama to say such a thing,” says Tenzing Nyesang a young Tibetan women outside the temple, minutes after his speech. “But one expects the progressive leader to have such an outlook towards equality of women.”

Tibetan women in exile have been quick to adapt to the new social life in exile and have contributed in the field of social welfare, community building, economics and the political struggle of Tibet in particular. Tibetan women have established themselves as a strong force in assisting the Tibetan government in exile through social and political activities and are the backbone of the refugee community.

Life in exile has given Tibetan women an opportunity to raise their issues to the international community, by working with international womens’ groups and attend various conferences related to women’s causes. Participating in these international gatherings has enhanced the outlook of Tibetan womens’ perspectives and taught them to work on a variety of issues concerning women in the global village. This has helped focus the international community on the Tibetan cause from a woman’s point of view.

As refugees, Tibetan women are displaced people who cannot return home for fear of persecution. Tibetan women refugees have had to adapt to a new way of life and at the same time struggle to maintain the Tibetan culture and identity in which the best effort to restore things are being done by them.

Even as the Dalai Lama stated that there is no question of his retirement until the Tibetan cause is resolved, he is still a visionary, looking ahead, keeping with the times, and breaking tradition.

Saransh Sehgal

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