10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Thursday, April 23, 2009

Are Atheists Spiritual?

As I was looking into many of the various religious groups here in Seattle, I ran across a group that calls themselves, Seattle Atheists. In fact, you may have seen their ads on Metro busses around town. Their quote is a Thomas Jefferson quote, “Question with boldness even the existence of God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of blindfolded fear.”

After having read Christopher Hitchens book, God is not Great, and Bertrand Russell’s book Why I’m not a Christian, I’m more convinced than ever that atheism is a legitimate form of spirituality and that atheists are spiritual. I imagine I’m going to get spanked from all sides, but I really think this is true.

I see spirituality not as a ‘search for God,’ but more as a search for our connection to the greater Universe around us. How do we fit into the thing called life? I saw that question asked over and over again in those two books. Many, in fact, most, have tried to tie God to that search for various reasons, and that has tripped us up and divided us for years… millennia. When we added God we added our ‘version’ of God, and then the Universe itself wasn’t allowed to speak for itself.

I think we all agree that there is a connection. We’re connected to the Universe. We all need air to breath, we need to eat to keep up energy, and we need water to keep ourselves hydrated. We rely on the Earth spinning around the sun and the Universe supporting the Earth. We also recognize that we are affected by the people around us as well. In order for us to survive, we must learn to get along. Both of these books were asking those questions, using science as their yardstick, not religion. But the question was the same… how are we connected to the Universe. Science itself is just that, the giant question, how does the Universe work, and how do we fit in.

For that reason, in my opinion, atheists and agnostics are still spiritual beings, though I don’t think they would appreciate being called that. I think it’s safe to assume, regarding what we know, that we don’t really know what we know and we don’t really know what we don’t know. So in essence science is about figuring out what we do and don’t know. But Albert Einstein noticed that when you increase the circle of what you know, you also increase the circle of what you don’t know. It’s a paradox.

Everything that currently exists in regard to technology and industry comes about because we figured out how it was connected and interconnected. Our biggest challenge is also our biggest asset at this moment, though I’m not totally sure that we see it. Diversity. This diversity is good for us, but it’s also difficult because we haven’t yet figured out how to make it work for us. Even among all these groups, at the very bottom of it all (or at the top if-you-will) we’re all asking the same question: what is this thing called the Universe and how do I fit in? That’s spirituality.

Ben Tousey

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