10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Monday, April 06, 2009

The Pursuit of Happiness in a Buddhist Vehicle

Hello, how are you, my darlings?” Sogyal Rinpoche beamed at his audience, many of whom were students and also included Lyonchhoen Jigmi Y Thinley, inside a hall at the YDF complex, Thimphu.

“Buddhism is cool, it’s very cool, and meditation at the highest level is chilling out.” What became immediately noticeable about Sogyal Rinpoche, author of the international bestseller, The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, was his somewhat funny nature. He joked all the while and continued to refer to his audience as “my darlings”.

But also observable was the warmth and happiness in his eyes. Perhaps, this would have been reassuring to some as he was in Bhutan to talk about how to achieve happiness or inner peace using the Buddhist vehicle.

“What you need to understand isn’t only the outer, but the innermost meaning, which makes Buddhism what it is,” he said. Sogyal Rinpoche began by explaining concepts such as inner peace. “I think this is very much connected with Bhutan’s Gross National Happiness,” he said.

Inner peace may sound lofty and unattainable, reserved for learned monks meditating in a cave for years. But, in fact, the first step towards it was, “very simple: don’t harm others, don’t keep malice, always forgive.”

One of the basic principles of Buddhism is interdependence, the idea that all things are connected. “When you help others, it helps you, when you harm others, it harms you,” he said. Understanding this simple cause and effect process, he said, leads to the next step in Buddhism, the practice of tolerance, non-violence and compassion. This, he repeatedly emphasised, required examining the nature of mind, understanding it and finally “taming” it through meditation.

One of the ways to master this technique was a combination of three methods, what he referred to as, the “unifying practice.” This required gazing at an object of beauty that invoked inspiration and calmed the mind, such as an image of the Buddha or Guru Rinpoche, the sky, a mountain, or even a rock. The other two elements were focusing on the breath or reciting a prayer. Combined, this method, if persisted with, would lead to a calmer and clearer mind and, eventually, inner peace.

Besides providing many more practical meditation techniques, he also translated Buddhist prayers and terminology into English and explained their meanings and purposes.

Throughout his teachings, Sogyal Rinpoche used his tongue in cheek humour to entertain. He frequently teased audience members and made fun of himself. More importantly, he used it to sustain the attention of the audience, especially the youth, whom he was pleased to see in attendance.

He remarked that today’s younger generation in the Himalayan region needed to understand the Dharma in a more practical way. “The offerings, the rituals, some of them are quite putting off as a result of lack of explanation,” he said.

While explaining the concept of emptiness, he noticed some students talking. He gently asked them to keep still. He told them that if they wanted to understand Buddhism, “not only listen with your ears, but with your eyes, your body, your mind and your heart too, then you’ll hear more deeply and not be distracted.”

On the second day of the teachings, Sogyal Rinpoche opened the floor to questions. The first question was on not understanding the Choekyed prayers Bhutanese recited.

Rinpoche answered that change was needed. He said even some monks did not know what they recited. He thought monks firstly needed to educate themselves thoroughly and then become more involved with the community.

They need to come out of the monasteries, he said.

“Can I be frank? Well, even if you don’t want me to, I will. You need to study more, listen to teachings more.”

The Rinpoche, who is also the founder of Rigpa, a network of more than 130 Buddhist centres in 41 countries that presents Buddhism through methods more relevant to modern life, frequently travels the world holding such teachings. Although his visits to Bhutan are infrequent, he said he would come more often as he has received repeated invitations to conduct such teachings.

“I’ll make Bhutan a priority because it’s the only independent Mahayana-Vajrayana nation, it’s a rising nation with such extraordinary promise,” he said.

Rinpoche’s cheerfulness remained constant throughout his teachings. Jigme Dorji, a class 11 Mothitang student, described the teachings as “user-friendly”. Pema Rinzin, a lawyer, said this was his “most fruitful weekend”.

“I wish you all great success, and that Bhutan becomes a peaceful, developed, intelligent, and prosperous nation, but understanding the dharma in a real way is an important and an integral part to the development of Bhutan,” said Rinpoche.

By Gyalsten K Dorji

1 comment:

pema said...

I am surprised and dismayed that people in Bhutan are fooled by Sogyal Lakar aka Rinpoche. This extremely unpleasant little man was never trained as a lama, did not write The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying and is a self-indulgent sexual predator who maintains a sado-masochistic harem. Critical awarness applied to his glitzy presentation reveals that there is almost nothing of substance behind it. Sogyal peddles his own spititual fantasies which bear only a slight resemblance to Vajraya Buddhism.