10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Spiritual Life Coaching: Shadow Projections

Ask yourself: What do I find distasteful, disgusting, or despicable in others? Do you find yourself pointing at others calling them derogatory names? Public figures that you despise will also be the target of shadow projections. Shadow Work Life Coaching can help you to realize that your emotion-based judgements are always shadow projections and are therefore rooted in unresolved trauma.

Think of a person with whom you despise for one reason or another. It could be a famous person or it could be someone close to you, like a friend or family member. Write the name of this person down. Now write down the qualities that disturb you the most about this person. What derogatory things do you say about them? Imagine that they are right in front of you. Point your finger at them and say the words out loud. Notice that three of your fingers will be pointing directly at you. This is what I call the recognition stage. This is when you begin to identify your own shadow projections.

After doing this, ask yourself, "What do I do to prove that I am not these terrifying things? Close your eyes and think hard. Perhaps you're accusing this person of being over-critical. Write down a time when you were over-critical toward another. Perhaps you're accusing him or her of being selfish or greedy. Now ask yourself, "When, where, or how have I been selfish or greedy?"

As you realize that you've been exhibiting the exact same negative aspects that you've been secretly hating in others, you will begin to consciously hate these aspects in yourself, as opposed to unconsciously hating them. That's good. This is the next stage. I call this the repulsion stage. The more you become repulsed, the better. In a sense, it's like vomiting up something that doesn't agree with your stomach. It's the psyche's natural way of getting rid of what is toxic. Eventually, these feelings of repulsion will fade away as you project less and less of your shadow onto others.

As you become aware of your own shadow projections, you will begin to accept them more in others, and in turn, accept them in yourself. This acceptance stage is the key to completely dissolving your shadow projections. At this point it is important to realize that it's perfectly okay and normal to have had negative feelings toward others because it has served as an impetus for healing and growth.

When you begin to become cognizant that you are "judging others," you will no longer truly be judging them. You cannot be both conscious and unconscious at the same time. You are either awake or asleep. This is the beginning of learning how to love others unconditionally, no matter how deeply they have hurt you. It is the third and final stage of awakening to your shadows, and when you'll be able to heal your unresolved trauma.

Shadow Work Life Coaching can help you to observe all of the negative qualities in yourself that you used to deem shameful in others, heal your repressed trauma, and put an end to your shadow projections. Personal Life Coach, Jason Lincoln Jeffers is the founder of The Art of Transformation, a company devoted to teaching Self Realization to the masses. His Personal Life Coaching program uniquely combines spiritual wisdom with ego transcendence, wellness coaching, life path astro-analysis, pain-body counseling, heart-brain manifestation, and relationship coaching.

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