10 ways to control your anger - Professional expert’s advice

I am really emotional and excitable person. I think that there are two types of anger: constructive anger and a destructive one. In order to understand the anger phenomenon I decided to investigate the nature of anger, reasons of its appearing, key factors and anger management.

What does it mean this anger? Anger is a strong indignation feeling of our emotional sphere that is attended by self-control losing. Anger is a signal of our state. Glands produce an array of hormones that have a great and deep effect on all our body. The main participants of this process are adrenaline and cortisol. They activate cardiovascular system and consequently all organs. Adrenalin causes fast heart beating, rising blood pressure. These rich oxygenated blood streams to the places are responsible for reaction. Thus some extra energy is released.

There are 4 basic ways of anger expressions:

1. Straight and immediately (verbally or nonverbally) to show your anger. It gives an opportunity to free from the negative emotions.

2. To express anger in an indirect way. In this case usually suffer persons that are weaker, not dangerous and those ones who “come to hand”, usually they are our family and close relatives. Thus we hurt our dear ones. One of the best ways is to express your anger to the person who is the source of this very anger. If it is impossible- better find some compromise.

3. Restraining anger you “drive” it deep inside. So, negative emotions store will provoke a big stress sooner or later.

4. You may foresee situation of anger feeling, try not to expand this feeling but get to know the reason, understand and solve it. A Roman philosopher Seneca said: “When you are feeling of ascending “volcano”- stand still, not doing anything- not speaking, not moving.”

Anger is a normal and natural human feeling, especially nowadays as life is really fast and we have a huge amount of information to accumulate (in comparison with our previous generations). The range of anger is rather wide: from a slight annoyance to impetuous fury. Anger can be quick and long, lasting for years in form of bitterness, vengeance or hate. Anger can lead to health issues like depression, high blood pressure, hearth diseases, stresses, alcohol dependence and obesity. If you are anger- express it. If you feel discomfort from these “negative splashes”- then we can give some techniques how to manage your emotional anger:

  • 1. Take a deep and continuous breath. Count up to 50 or imagine your aggressor just naked, only in socks. This will help you to calm and smile.

  • 2. Have a walk. Look at high sky. Continue to breathe deep and easily. So you appraise the situation and calm down.

  • 3. Do some physical exercises. When you are angry- your body is very tensed and tough. If you stretch your muscles it will relax your body, as you will spill out all your negative energy into action. Your brains will get more oxygen and it assists to clear your thoughts.

  • 4. Write down all your thoughts. Write down that you are mad and why. Avoid being rational, logical or laconic. Write on paper all you are feeling this moment. Try to write all in details. The function of this technique is to shift all your anger out of your head on paper.

  • 5. Be grateful. Find someone to thank. Do you not forget about yourself. Thank that you have woken up today, thank that that the Sun is shining for you, that the sky is blue and the grass is green.

  • 6. Prayer. Ask God to be with you during this anger moment and lead you.

  • 7. Meditation. Close your eyes, look into solar plexus, and be all your anger, breathing deeply.

  • 8. Change of places. Move yourself on your enemy’s place. And look at situation from his point of view. Better look at the situation from the ceiling. Focus on details, especially on funny and absurd ones. Strive to forgive your enemy as well as forgive truly yourself.

  • 9. Go back to your childhood memories. Recollect state when you were angry. Hug this child and say: “All is ok. I am here. You are good child. I love you and I will not leave you.”

  • 10. Your values. What is the most significant thing in your life? Who are the most important people in your life? What kind of person do you want to be? Think and accept that point that you are living your life, and you are living your values. There is a good man inside you that wants to help you. I wish you good luck!

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Monday, February 18, 2008

7 steps towards forgiveness

How to forgive those who betrayed us, deceived, hurt, brought sorrow?

Main points:

  • To forgetis not the way out. If someone hurt you – is useless to pretend that nothing did happen. Must not swallow an insult.

  • Forgiveness needs some time. Too fast forgiveness is illusory and might be aimed at you sooner or later.

  • Forgiveness –is your internal work. Is not easy, but finally makes you free and gives power to live.
Often we forgive someone for their words or actions, but there are cases when it is hard (really impossible) to forgive that one, who hurt us to the innermost of our heart. Cruel parents, a man that attacked you or a driver that knocked down your near relations- all these need a huge internal work to forgive them. This is a long and not easy way. For ones – is a brave deed, for another – is a frank admission of their weakness, as they would prefer to take vengeance… Forgiveness does not go without saying. However, who tried and did forgive their offenders say that this step gave them liberation, release and filled their lives with new energy.

Forgiveness really releases us from sufferings, pain, anger, scorn or spite. Does not matter whether someone begs for your forgiveness or we forgive unsolicited, this decision is always the result of complex internal work. And it is being unknown the result of this work. We may want to forgive somebody, but it does not mean that we will be able to forgive… This process is unconscious and the result does not depend on size of offend rather than on our emotional experience. For example, two abandoned children would have two different destinies. Perhaps, one child would treat life as permanent struggle; another one would take it for lost battle. And this depends whether they can forgive their parents or not.

The histories of forgiveness are unique and numerous. In spite of the fact, we tried to summarize the main stages on the way that we are going through to feel the forgiveness.

To be continued...

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